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Digitized  by  the  Internet  Archive 

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https://archive.org/details/comedyoflifeOOunse 


THE  COME 
O E El E E 


DY 


“ The  world  is  a comedy  to  those  that  think." — HORACE  WALPOLE. 


NEW  YORK 

LIFE  PUBLISHING  COMPANY, 
1907 


Copyright,  1907, 
by 

LIFE  PUBLISHING  COMPANY, 
New  York  City. 


Uniform  with  this  volume 
THE  SOCIAL  COMEDY. 
Price,  $2.00. 


THE  SCHILLING  PRESS,  NEW  YORK 


T H K C O M K D Y OK  L I K E 


'I  HE  OVERTURE. 


The  Comedy  of  Life 


AT  THE  AMATEUR  THEATRICALS. 

She:  Do  you  think  my  husband  will  object  to  your  making  love  to  me? 
“ Oh,  no.  He  knows  I wouldn't  if  I didn’t  have  to.” 


The  Comedy  of  Life 


IN  A NEW  YORK  RESTAURANT. 

“Wlio  are  those  people,  Isadore?” 

“Americans.  Tliey  seem  to  be  piisliing  in  everywhere.” 


The  Comedy 


Life 


o F 


WHERE  THERE’S  SMOKE,  THERE'S  EIRE 


The  Comedy  of  Life 


“ You  might  ask  your  mistress  if  she  is  at  home.” 
'■  It's  no  use,  sir.  She  saw  you  coming.” 


The  Comedy  of  Life 


TO  EXCHANGE. 

An  artistic,  impractical,  ardent  husband  for  one  with  an  income,  however  small 


The  C o im  e I)  y ok 


Like 


IDENTIFIED. 

Medium:  I see  a man.  He  is  making  love  to  some  woman  and  is  smoking  and  drinking. 
“iYes,  yes,  that’s  my  husband.” 


The  Comedy  of  Life 


“ I hear,  sir,  that  Freddy  is  working  as  a clerk  in  your  brokerage  office.” 

‘‘Yes.  I want  him  to  learn  enough  about  the  business  to  let  it  alone  after  I die.” 


T H K C O M E D Y OF  L I F E 


SUSANNE. 


RUMMER’S  gone,  the  ruddy  rover, 
Witli  the  sunshine  of  his  smiles — 
Bands  of  bees  above  the  clover. 

Wren-song  down  the  woodland  aisles  : 
But  the  autumn  light  discloses 
He  has  left  a touch  of  tan 
And  the  glamour  of  his  roses 
On  the  cheeks  of  fair  Susanne. 


What  the  drifting  of  her  dreams  are. 
Who  can  tell  by  what  bright  shorts? — 
Limpid  lakes  where  rainbow  gleams  are 
Shattered  by  the  dip  of  oars  ; 

Blissful  hours  of  moonlight  boating 
Where  a lyric  river  ran  — 

Thoughts  of  these  perchance  go  floating 
Through  the  brain  of  fair  Susanne. 


Or  mayhap  her  flocking  fancies 
(Gossamer  were  not  so  light !) 

Bring  back  climbs  or  drives  or  dances 
In  the  mountains — Green  or  White, 
Golf — if  that  game  seem  not  gruesome — 
Haply  in  her  visions  scan  ; 

O to  play  a truant  “twosome” 

By  the  side  of  fair  Susanne  ! 


What  if  all  this  talk  were  folly? 

That  were  not  a great  surprise  ! 
Sooth,  no  mood  of  melancholy 

Looks  from  out  the  maiden’s  eyes  ! 
Maybe  (scoff  not  Punchinello  !) 

’Tis  the  future  and  a man 
(What  a lucky,  lucky  fellow  !) 

Fill  the  mind  of  fair  Susanne! 

Clinton  Scollard. 


\ 


SUSANNE. 


The  Comedy  of  Life 


*'CCOR\TKn  J 

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"UV(r)>h%lU 


GETTING  READY  FOR  SPRING 


The  Comedy  o e L i e e 


Copyright.  1906.  by  Life  Pub.  Co. 


ms  .MASTKK’S  VOICE. 


The  Comedy 


Life 


o F 


f y 


Three  moves  are  as  bad  as  a fire 


The  Comedy  of  Life 


“ How  long  have  you  been  in  love  with  him  ?’’ 
“ Ever  since  I rejected  him.” 


The  Comedy  of  Life 


\ 


Reporter  to  Prospective  Suicide : Say,  old  chap,  if  you  want  to  get  into  the  evening  paper  you’d  better  hurry  up. 


The  Comedy  o i-'  Like 


Mandy,  what  makes  your  teeth  always  so  nice  ami  wliite 
‘‘  Oh,  notliing  l>ut  Sapolio  and  your  tooth  brush.” 


The  Comedy  of  Life 


Copyright  1906,  by  Life  Pub.  Co. 


HER  ANSWER. 


The  Com  EDY  OF  Life 


Cusfoui  House  Officer:  Anything  to  declare,  sir? 

'•  Nothing  hut  myself.  But  I declared  that  on  the  way  over.” 


The  Comedy  of  Life 


He : I hope  the  fact  that  I’ve  led  a gay  life  and  been  out  nights  a great  deal  won’t  make  any  difference. 
“ Indeed  it  does.  If  I accepted  you,  you  might  reform.” 


T II  E C O :\I  K I)  V O F Iv  I F E 


Copyriglit.  I9U6,  by  Life  I’ub.  Co. 


THAT  DEFERRED  VACATION 


Thh  Comedy  of  Life 


FROM  AN  ARTIST’S  SKETCH  BOOK. 


The  Comedy  of  Life 


J/iss  Ncvcrgo:  Oh,  I nuist  tell  you  about  niy  trip  to  California. 


The  Comedy  of  Life 


Olto  Scorcher  (jusl  after  being  struck'):  The  railroad’s  disregard  of  human  life  is  simply  astounding. 
I’m  sure  the  engineer  heard  my  horn  and  knew  that  I was  trying  to  break  a record. 


The  C (J  M E I)  Y O F h I K E 


“AS  IN  A LOOKING-GLASS.” 


The  Comedy  of  Life 


The  Comedy  of 


Life 


“Wilt  tliou  take  this  title  with  its  debts  and  manifold  ailments  to  be  thy  wedded  husband?” 
“ I will.” 

“Wilt  tliou  take  this  American  heiress  to  be  thy  wedded  wife?” 

“Well,  rather!” 


The  CoiMEDY  OF  Life 


The  servant  girl  question  is  to  be  solved  at  last— the  Indian  is  being  educated  for  domestic  service 


The  Comedy 


Life 


o E 


••  Did  she  get  the  man  she  wanted?” 

■‘Oh,  no!  She  is  most  happily  married.” 


The  Comedy  of  Life 


THOSE  TICKETS. 

Mr.  New  Jersey  takes  his  wife  and  her  mother  to  the  opera, 


THE  TATTLE-TALE 


The  Comedy  of  Life 


AT  NIAGARA. 

Warning  to  tourists;  Keep  close  to  the  guide  and  avoid  unnecessary  danger. 


The  Comedy  of  Life 


" Did  I see  you  kissing  niy  daughter,  sir  ? ” 

I really  don’t  know.  sir.  I was  too  much  occupied  at  the  time  to  notice. 


Isa 


The  CoiMEDY  OF  Life 


A WRITE-UP  SPOILED. 

“ Burglars  ! And  my  new  diamond  pin  hasn’t  come  home  ; and  sister  borrowed  the  best 

silver  yesterday.” 


T PI  E C O IM  E D V 


Life 


o E 


Young  Wife:  Oh,  I just  love  to  bluff ! 


The  Comedy  of  Life 


Those  insulting  bachelor  congratulations.” 


The  Comedy  of  Life 


Df)ii’t  you  think,  Mabel,  it  was  foolish  of  us  to  have  such  an  expensive  wedding  ? 
“ Yes,  dear  ; but  we’ll  both  know  better  next  time,” 


The  CoiMEDY 


Life 


o F 


THE  GENERAL  OFFICE  OF  STORK  AND  CO 


r • 


The  Comedy  of  L i i-  e 


2 


^4 


V 


“WOMAN.” 


The  Comedy  of  Life 


“ I promised  to  give  George  my  answer  in  a week.” 
” I promised  to  give  him  mine  in  three  days.” 


The  Comedy  of  Life 


■'  Why  did  you  have  the  sun-dial  moved,  Amy  ?” 

■■  I wanted  it  vvliere  tlie  moonlight  \vf)uld  shine  on  it,  so  we  could  tell  the  time  at  night,” 


Th K Comedy 


OF 


Life 


Copyright,  1906,  by  Life  Pub.  Co. 


A CANDIDATE 


The  Comedy  of  Life 


Head  of  Institute:  I’m  afraid  we  can’t  cure  your  husband  of  drinking,  madame. 
She : Your  note  said  it  could  be  done  in  six  months. 

“True  ; but  I hadn’t  seen  you  then.’’ 


The  Comedy  of  Life 


“ Is  your  engagement  a secret  ? ” 

“ Oh,  no.  The  girl  knows  it.” 


The  Comedy  oe  Life 


MARRIED  LIFE  IN  UTAH 
One  at  a time,  dears.” 


The  Comedy  of  Life 


“ Anything  to  declare,  miss  ? ” 

“Yes.  One  Duke  slightly  damaged.’’ 


The  C o im  e d y 


Like 


o E 


“ Young  man,  can  you  sit  up  and  make  love  to  a girl  every  night  and  do  justice  to  your  work  during  the  day  ? ” 
“ No.  sir.  And  I’ve  decided  to  give  up  my  job,  as  I can’t  keep  it  and  do  justice  to  the  girl.” 


The  Comedy  of  Life 


VARIATIONS  of  THE  OLD,  SWEET  SONG. 


The  Comedy  of  Life 


“ Why  do  you  refuse  to  look  at  my  sketches  ? ” 

“ Well,  Jack  saw  them,  you  know,  and  he  says  there  isn’t  a decent  one  in  the  wliole  batch.” 


The  Comedy 


Life 


o F 


CEMUINE 
w CMCLANO 
iEP  DINNER 


uTuCKLEBeRRYl 
COUWTYj 
j ORANCe  I 

IaS’OCI'-TIONI 


pCRMrY  QUILT. 
^HpSY 


|not)  Cl.  ‘ 
[ DAraY 


h^UArfc 


THE  LITTLE  GEW  ' 

1)01)0  mCUBATOR/J, 

■ S'. 


t-SlMK 


'ittPRESH 


THE  ORIGINAL  COUNTY  FAIR 


The  Comedy  of  Life 


Copyright  1900.  bv  f.ifc  Pub  Co 


“ She  looks  modern.” 

‘‘  Modern  ! ” 

” Her  gown  is  cut  so  low.” 


Thk  Comedy  of  Life 


GOLF  AT  FROGVILLE. 


Sg;ill(r. 


The  Comedy  of  Life 


THE  FIRST  VALENTINE 


The  Comedy  of  Life 


A CHICAGO  WIDOW’S  LATE  HUSBAND  AS  HE  APPEARED  TO  THE  MEDIUM. 


The  C o :m  E d y of  Life 


^/is(lTSs:  ^’ou  ruined  that  terrapin  last  night,  Ellen.  1 can't  have  things  wasted  so. 
" Sure,  muni,  ’twasn’t  wasted.  We  ate  it  in  the  kitchen.” 


The  Comedy  oe  Life 


TO  SUMMER. 

^HOU  sweet  enchantress  of  the  joj'oiis  year  ; 

Thou  bringest  bliss  to  all  who  worship  ease  ; 

Thy  smile  is  sunshine  and  thy  breath,  the  breeze 
Wine  to  my  lips  and  music  to  mine  ear  ? 

Thou  art  the  child  of  Time  I most  revere, 

Since  thou  dost  let  me  do  just  as  I please — 
Loaf,  flirt  and  smoke,  and  on  the  links  and  leas 
Wander  at  will  with  whom  my  heart  holds  dear. 

Ices  and  juleps  thou  dost  bring  to  me. 

Cool  and  refreshing  ; and  the  crimson  rose 
Thou  givest  to  the  garden  wherein  She, 

Thy  younger  sister,  often  with  me  goes  : 

Love’s  token  this — let  it  thine  emblem  be — 

Thy  fragrant  lyric  in  life’s  leafy  prose. 

F.  D.  S. 


THE  GENTLE  SPORT. 


The  C o :m  e d y o e L i e e 


^^rs■  Pilcition  Ho  her  coachman):  James,  I trust  that  you  are  an  attendant  at  religious  exercises  ? 

" Oh,  yes,  mem,  I goes  as  often  as  I has  the  chance,  mem,” 

■■  .^nd  I trust  that  you  feel  it  your  duty  to  lead  such  a life  here  as  will  assure  you  a place  among  the  good  in  the 

next  world  ? ” 

■■  Oh,  yes,  mem,  I tries  to.  Thank  you  kindly,  mem.” 

'■  I am  glad  of  it  James.  I have  been  sf>  much  pleased  with  your  services  that  it  is  a real  comfort  to  me  to  know 

that  if  we  are  permitted  to  have  coachmen  in  Heaven  I may  continue  to  employ  you  there.” 


The  Comedy  of  Life 


First  Mormon : How  did  that  chorus  girl  you  married  turn  out  ? 

Second  Morjuon : Splendid.  I’m  now  trying  to  make  arrangements  with  the  rest  of  the  chorus 


The  Comedy  of  Life 


“ Model  ? No,  I am  not  drawing  any  girls  now.  I’m  only  painting  fruit.” 
‘‘  Well  ! Ain’t  I a peach  ?” 


The  Co^^iedy 


Life 


o F 


“ Why  did  you  let  him  in  the  house  if  you  couldn’t  trust  him  ? ” 

“ But,  good  Fleavens,  man  ! I didn’t  know  he  was  going  to  run  off  with  my  daughter— I thoughtjt  was^my  wife.” 


The  Co m e d y of  Lie e 


Young  Husband : I knew  yon  would  suit  my  mother 


The  Co^^iedy  oe  Life 


VALENTINES 
Old  and  new. 


The  C o m e d y o e Li  e p: 


Me : Which  do  you  prefer,  dear,  a house  or  a church  wedding? 
“ It  makes  little  difference,  so  long  as  it’s  binding.” 


The  Comedy  of  Life 


BEFORE  THE  CEREMONY. 

Friend  of  the  bride-to-be : And  I suppose  that  is  your  prayer-book  ? 

Oh  no!  that  would  be  out  of  date.  These  are  my  bridge  cards  that  I am  to  carry.” 


T H p:  Com  p:  d y 


L I P'  F, 


o K 


AT  THE  \VEDl)L\(j. 

“ Bobby,  why  don’t  you  stand  up? 
“Are  we  to  be  married,  too?" 


The  Comedy  of  Tiee 


HIS  AUDIENCE 


The  C o m k d y 


L I E H 


o F 


lie:  How  miic’.i  do  you  think  I ouglit  to  give  the  minister,  dear? 
She : Wliatever  it  is  wortli. 

“ But  I can’t  tell  that  until  afterwards.” 


The  Comedy 


Life 


o F 


U’ifey : Mother  has  changed!  I don’t  quite  like  the  way  she  looks,  do  you 
“No,  my  dear,  I never  did!’’ 


The  Comedy  of  Life 


r 


S/ie : Look,  dear  ! Papa’s  check  will  pay  for  our  wedding  trip. 
The  Duke:  But  what  are  we  going  to  do  afterwards? 


THE  LEADING  LADY 


The  Comedy  of  Life 


“ Robert,  what  did  you  put  in  the  cocktails  ?’’ 
Xeu'  litiUcr:  Everything  we  had,  ma’am. 


The  C OMEDY  OF  Life 


Crandfailier  {eni/iusiastically) : Say,  Willie,  don't  you  want  to  go  through  a toy  shop  with  me 
this  afternoon  and  see  all  the  pretty  things  ? 

Willie  {indifferently) : I'm  willing  to,  pop,  if  you  will  get  any  pleasure  out  of  it. 


The  Comedy  o e Li  e e 


Cooyriirht.  19U6.  by  I.ife  Pub.  Co. 


THO’  LOST  TO  SIGHT,  TO  MEMORY  DEAR 


The  Comedy  oe  Life 


The  C o m k d y f Li  e e 


Parson  : Do  you  take  tliis  woman  for  t)etter  or  for  worse  ? 

Ilridci^room : W'ell,  I can’t  exactly  say.  Her  people  think  it’s  for  better,  but  mine  think  it's  for  worse. 


The  Comedy 


Life 


o F 


WALL  STREET  GHOSTS 


mm- 


The  Comedy  of  Life 


CHERRIES  are  RIPE 


The  Comedy 


OE 


Life 


THE  ECHO 


The  Comedy  of  Life 


“ By  Jove,  I’ve  been  awfully  short  of  money  this  week.  Actually  had  to  smoke  the  governor  s cigars.” 


The  Comedy  of  Life 


THE  CHAPERON  SPEAKS. 


■\  TERY  limp  and  damp  my  gown  and  the  sun  is  beating  down 
^ And  my  hat’s  askew  above  my  blistered  face, 

But  at  least  it’s  consolation  and  a bit  of  compensation 
To  know  my  lambs  are  gathered  in  one  place. 

P'or  Dolly,  Amaryllis  and  the  most  imprudent  Phyllis 
Are  seldom  found  together  in  one  spot, 

And  the  only  relaxation  in  a chaperon’s  vocation 
Is  to  get  them  altogether  on  a yacht. 


Hence  I sit  here  glad,  though  paling,  for  I nevei-  cared  for  sailing 
And  I always  had  a horror  of  the  sea. 

But  at  least  the  satisfaction  of  a little  forced  inaction 
Is  a thing  to  be  accepted  thankfully. 

And  Dolly,  Amaryllis  and  the  most  imprudent  Phyllis 
For  once  they  bear  my  glance  and  murmur  not. 

And  content  is  o’er  me  stealing  (though  I’m  sure  my  nose  is  peeling) 
For  I know  they  can’t  escape  me  on  a yacht. 

Theodosia  Garrison. 


T H K C ()  M K I)  V O F L I F Iv 


The  Clergyman:  Are  you  satisfied,  madam,  to  take  this  man  as  your  husband  ? 

The  Ilride-to-he : Well,  not  (|uite  ; but  he’s  the  best  I could  get. 


The  Comedy  of  Life 


A HEAVENLY  HONEYMOON. 


The  Comedy  of  L i e 


A FALSE  ALARM. 

Spirit  of  k'uickcrhocker : Odsbodkins  ! I thouglit  'twas  the  horn  of  Gabriel 


Thk  Comedy 


OF 


Life 


APRIL  FIRST 


The  Comedy  of  Life 


BRIDGE. 


The  Comedy  of  Life 


“ I'm  sorry,  my  dear,  I can’t  find  out  what’s  wrong.  I’m  afraid  you’ll  have  to  walk.” 

‘‘  Wliy,  George,  I wouldn’t  ask  the  dog  to  walk  on  roads  like  these;  you’ll  have  to  push  the 
thing,  that’s  all.” 


The  Comedy  of  Life 


THE  CONFESSOR. 


The  Comedy 


Life 


O F 


“HOME,  SWEET  HOME.” 

The  shade  of  John  Paul  Jones  awaits  his  body. 


Life 


The  Comedy  (j  f 


AT  BREAK  OF  DAY. 

“The  early  village  cock  hath  twice  done  salutation  to  the  morn." —A'ic/iard  111. 


The  Comedy  of  Life 


THE  WONDERS  OF  AMERICA 
Niagara  Falls  in  1950. 


The  Comedy  o e Lie 


SUGGESTION. 

ll’i/e:  The  ice  doesn’t  look  very  strong,  does  it  ? 

“ Perhaps  you'd  better  try  it.  You  know  you  weigh  more  than  I do.” 


The  Comedy  oe  Life 


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(UARRlfo’^N  - C-P-'toV 


DURING  THE  FEBRUARY  RUSH 


T H K Com  e d y o f L i f i<: 


Copyrijhi,  1905,  by  Life  Pub.  Co. 


THE  BLIND  LEADING  THE  BLIND. 


The  Comedy  oe  Life 


The  Comedy  of  Life 


Copyright  1906,  by  Life  Pub.  Co. 


CHRISTMAS  MORNING. 


The  Comedy 


OF 


Life 


Copyright,  1906.  by  Life  Pub.  Co. 


WHEN  HIS  LOVE  GREW  COLD 


The  Comedy  of  Life 


“ Promise  me,  Jack,  that  you  will  not  go  to  the  dogs  just  because  I have  refused  you.” 

‘‘Oil,  pshaw,  of  course  not.” 

‘ ‘ You  mean  thing  ! ’ ’ 


The  Comedy  oe  Tiee 


FROM  AN  ARTIST’S  SKETCH  BOOK. 


The  Comedy  o e L i e e 


The  Chiller:  You  can  swim,  can’t  yon  ? 

The  (iucst : K-no. 

“Then  why  the  deuce  didn't  yon  tell  me  ? I always  capsize  when  I go  out  in  this  boat.’’ 


The  Comedy 


Life 


o F 


• '’’’'"v' 

■4.;  N 

THEN  AND  NOW. 


The  Comedy  of  Life 


THE  COMEDIENNE. 


Thk  Comedy 


OF 


Life 


/-/e  .■  I woul  1 come  over  but  I am  afrai  1 of  your  dog 
She:  Oh,  he  only  bites. 


The  Comedy  of  Life 


Copyright  1905.  by  Life  Pub.  Co. 


INFALLIBLE. 

“Those  two  men  talking  together  over  there  are  worth  a good  many  millions  between  them.’’ 
‘ ‘ Which  is  the  richer  ? ’ ’ 

“ I don’t  know  positively — but  watch  the  bishop,  who’s  going  to  speak  to  them.’’ 

“ Why?’’ 

“ See  which  one  he  shakes  hands  with  first.’’ 


The  Comedy  of  Life 


ASH-WEDNESDAY 


The  Comedy  of  Lie e 


wl'fSH 

SyigfgW 

THE  HAND  OF  FATE. 


The  Comedy  oe  Liee 


Dr.  Probe:  It  might  be  wise  for  you  to  call  in  a specialist. 

Witherly:  Then  for  your  sake,  doctor,  you’d  better  send  in  your  bill  first. 


The  Com  e d y of  Li  e e 


Copyright,  1905.  by  Life  Pub  Co. 


AN  EASTER  HYMN. 


The  Comedy  of  Life 


A MAP  OF  THE  WORLD. 
(As  seen  by  him.'' 


The  Co^kiEDY 


Life 


o F 


Copyright,  19U4,  by  Life  Pub.  Co. 


THE  ELOPERS 


The  Comedy  oe  Life 


“ Young  man,  do  you  realize  tliat  your  college  career  has  cost  me  ten  thousand  dollars  ?” 
“ Well,  governor,  it  was  worth  it.” 


The  Comedy  of  Life 


STRANGE. 

He:  I sliall  be  just  miserable  wlien  I have  to  go  away  and  lea.ve  you. 
“ Oh  ! Jack,  if  I were  sure  of  that,  I’d  feel  so  happy.” 


The  Comedy  oe  Life 


THE  new  peril. 

A quiet'landing  of  The  Up-in-the-Air  Club 


The  Co m k d y o e L i iv 


MEASUREMENT. 

“^liss  Lovelace — Alicia — will  you  not  consent  to  be  mistress  of  my  estates?  I cannot  tell  you 
how  much  I love  you.” 

‘‘  Oh  ! Reginald — er — perhaps  you  can  give  me  a rough  estimate — in  acres.” 


The  Comedy  of  Life 


He:  That  play  actually  n:ade  me  forget  myself. 

“ And  yet  they  say  the  drama  is  not  a moral  force.” 


The  Comedy  of  Life 


A SLAVE  OF  FASHION 
“Ten  minutes  late  already.” 


Thk  Comedy  of  Life 


k 


AUTUMN  GOES  TO  HER  WINTER  QUARTERS. 


T II  E Co  M E D Y O E L I E E 


He:  Did  you  love  me  when  >ou  first  saw  me  ? 
“ Oh,  no  ! I had  to  get  used  to  you  first.” 


The  Comedy  of  Life 


CURRENT  LITERATURE. 


“ I said  my  daughter  had  been  indulgently  brought  up,  and  was  used  to  luxury,  and  I could  not  consent 
to  her  becoming  the  wife  of  a literary  man.  And  he  said,  damme,  that  his  last  book  had  sold  a million  copies 
and  brought  him  in  over  Unee  hundred  thousand  dollars!  What’s  a man  to  do  in  a case  like  that  ? He’s  got 
more  books  making,  he  says.  I shall  just  have  to  let  thefoolish  girl  throw  herself  away  on  him,  if  she  wants  to.” 


The  Comedy  oe  Life 


SUMMER  IS  OVER 


Thk  Comedy  oe  Life 


